LABEL YOUR FEELINGS


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The Conservative Case for DEI


The Business Case for DEI

CASE STUDIES

Overcoming Misconceptions

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Rethinking Modesty


an overdone ladies' 19th century hat, lots of flowers, feahers, and baubles

The Misconceptions of Modesty

Modesty as Self-Expression

Practical Tips for Embracing Modesty as Self-Expression

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Every Day is an Opportunity to Reinvent Yourself


Have you ever reached a point at which you just wanted a different life? Sometimes we find ourselves at the end of our emotional rope, and there aren’t “tweaks” big or bold or strong enough fix everything that is going wrong. Maybe it’s not even things going wrong; maybe it’s just a lack of traction, your wheels are spinning and you’re expending energy and not making progress toward any of the things that matter to you. Nothing’s working. Nothing feels right. You feel defeated. What’s the point? What can you do? Answer: reinvent yourself.

What’s Reinvention?

When we talk about reinvention, we’re usually talking about making significant changes to your life, your personality, or your career. The point is to improve or adapt to new circumstances.  Reinvention involves self-discovery, identifying your personal goals, values and passions. It can be a path to personal growth, allowing you to evolve and adapt. Reinvention can help you be more resilient in the face of challenges and changes. You use your experiences to shape a new path or a new identity. When you work through reinvention, you will be empowered to take control of your story. You will be making conscious choices to align your life with your genuine desires and aspirations.

When Should I Think about Reinvention?

Reinvention sounds like a one-and-done event, doesn’t it? Well, it’s not, fortunately. It’s a process that you’ll do over and over throughout your life. If you looked at your past with a magnifying glass or microscope, you’d almost certainly find that you’ve done it at least once. Thinking of reinvention as something you’re always doing will encourage you to adopt a mindset of lifelong learning, and being open to change.

Why Should I Consider Reinvention?

When you go through a career change, or a shift in personal relationships, or some other significant life event, you may feel the need for a reinvention. By embarking on an reinvention journey, you can respond positively to those changes and turn them into growth opportunities. Reinvention can be challenging, because you’ll have to step outside of your comfort zone and face unfamiliar things and uncertainties. When you take that leap, though, you’ll find opportunities for a more fulfilling and authentic life.

How Should I Start a Reinventive Experience?

Some paths to reinvention are as simple as trying something new, like a hobby or skill, or learning about something new and different. In the process, you may find that you have some talents or passions you hadn’t realized you have. You can get inspiration by walking through a different part of town and looking at the shop windows, or going with a friend to one of their hobby or interest meetings. You might pick up a brochure from a local community college, maybe not with the intention of taking a class (but maybe it goes that way after all), but looking through the courses may trigger an interest in something you hadn’t considered before.

I Don’t Need a Major Change, But I Need Something

Maybe you’ve just had a bad day or didn’t handle something very well. Maybe there’s one particular thing that you want to change. That’s also reinvention. You can reinvent yourself into the person who {fill in the blank for the characteristic you desire}. For example, “I am someone who doesn’t take offense easily. I consider if a comment is out of character or perhaps poorly expressed, rather than automatically thinking everything is an attack.”

Exactly how to undergo a major reinvention is beyond the scope of a blog post, but often a small change leads into a large lift-and-shift. We got our first computer in 1998, and I loved learning how to make it run better, and solve problems that came up with it. After the birth of my last child, I went back to work as a secretary, which wasn’t a bad job, but I knew that the income potential was limited. I acquired a certification that demonstrated that I was qualified to be a computer technician. It still took another year before I received my first job offer in Information Technology, but it did happen. I’ve undergone a couple of shifts since then. I’ve gotten a bachelor’s degree in cybersecurity, and I’ve moved into a position that uses a fresh technology that I have to learn from the bottom up. I’ve developed a passion for blogging and another for photography, and the photography is leading to a small business selling prints of my photos. I daresay that I’m not finished reinventing myself.

What Are You Waiting For?

Every day is an opportunity to reinvent yourself into a better version of who you already are. Take stock of where you are physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. What’s working well? What needs tweaking? You don’t have to “change” if “change” is too hard. Become someone different by reinventing yourself, as little or as much as you want or need. What’s next for you? Drop a comment below and set your intention for your reinvention – then go do it.

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Seeing Others as God Sees Them


A man and a woman on opposite sides of a mirror, each reaching out to touch the mirror

To get into a discussion of seeing other people as God sees them, we first have to talk about perception. Without giving a pedantic definition, perception is the process of interpreting information that our senses gather for us, and understanding that information. Perception involves recognizing, organizing, and making sense of all that information, like sights, sounds, smells, tastes, and textures. It forms our understanding of the world and all of our experiences in the world. Obviously, the process of perceiving our world will be influenced by our past experiences, our beliefs, and our cultural background. As a result, perception is a unique personal experience for each of us.

We can see, then, that not only is our perception influenced by us, our perception influences us in return. It colors how we see new experiences and objects, and it touches how we interact with the world and the people around us.

The Power of Perception in Shaping Relationships

Our perceptions always have an effect on our relationships, in all of those relationships’ stages. Perceptions influence how we interpret what other people do, and what we think they intend to do. Because of that, our interpretations play a critical role in how we respond to others and relate to them.

Since our perceptions are influenced by things that are unique and individual to each of us, different people will perceive the same situation in different ways. This can lead to misunderstandings, even though two parties may actually come close to agreeing on a position. For example, words and phrases have different regional and generational meanings. If I were to describe an action as “sick,” someone of my generation would think I am attributing degeneracy to it, but someone of my sons’ generation might think I strongly approved of the action. Another, more obvious example is temperature differences. In my region, 65 degrees is layering weather – T-shirt plus sweater plus windbreaker. In more northern areas, 65 degrees is shed-the-blanket weather.

These differences are going to happen. Too often, they result in conflict, because it doesn’t occur to either party that they’re dealing with differences in perception, rather than differences in values or real issues. Active listening, that is listening to truly understand instead of listening to form your response, and genuinely trying to see the other person’s point of view can lead to conflict resolution, if both parties are sincere in the pursuit of it.

Another barrier to accurate perception can be a tendency toward self-preservation. If we feel threatened, we often shut down our “receive” mode. We throw up walls of protection so that we don’t have to face the possibility of physical or emotional damage. By becoming invulnerable to hurt, we also become impervious to true representations.

Our experiences, especially negative ones, can color our perception of our current relationships, and this can generate defensive or hostile reactions. We can head these off with some self-awareness. Recognizing that we may have some inaccurate perceptions can help us seek to correct those inaccuracies. If you could do that, what would that do for your relationships?

Our cultural and social backgrounds will influence how we perceive others, and others’ cultural and social backgrounds will influence how they perceive us. In environments with diverse cultural and social elements (people, events, and things), these differences have the potential to lead to clashes. They don’t have to. Seeking to understand things from the other side – truly seeking to do so, not just giving lip service to it – can help create a more harmonious set of conditions.

Understanding the Divine Nature

My church teaches that we are all spirit children of a loving Father in Heaven. All of us. As such, each of us has inestimable value to Him. In our daily interactions with other people, it’s easy to forget that, and to let our worldly perceptions influence how we feel about people. One time, I was struggling to find good feelings toward someone I knew. I hated  the way I felt, but I didn’t know how I could change it. There were good reasons that we needed to be able to get along, but just telling myself to “just get along” wasn’t helping.  I decided to try and pray about it. I prayed fervently (that’s a good enough word to leave you to look up on your own) to see that person as God saw them. What I saw was someone who was decidedly human. Fragile. Flawed and broken. Like me. A lot like me.

I declare to you that what I had seen in this person before my prayers was something less than my equal, something not entirely as human as I am. I was holding them to a higher level of expectations than I myself expected to achieve. For some reason, I expected them to be better than I was seeing them to be. My perception was off. My perception was corrected when I allowed God to show me how I should be seeing them. Decidedly human. Fragile. Flawed and broken. Like me. A lot like me.

Not only that, though – I also saw the value in them that Heavenly Father sees. I can’t tell you how much that did for me. Our church teaches that “…the worth of souls is great…”(D&C 18:10). We often think of the temporal assistance we can offer when we think of that, but that day, God reminded me that the scripture quoted offered no qualification as to which souls have great worth. The implication is that all souls are of great worth, and I have no right to consider the worth of someone else’s soul as less than the worth of my own.

The Contrast Between Earthly and Divine Perspectives

When we’re not thinking in a “churchy” or spiritual manner, we fall back to our typical human perceptions, which are limited and subjective. One prime example is the 9/11 hijackers. In America, we believe that the hijackers committed despicable acts. Does Heavenly Father approve of those acts? I don’t believe He does. Does he love His children? I believe He does. Each of us has done something, at some time, that has been a disappointment to God. He has to watch us treat each other pretty horribly sometimes. It’s like watching your own children being really ugly to each other – it’s tangibly painful as a parent. Imagine that on a global scale from the  beginning of time. And he still loves us.

I’ve been able to apply that method of seeing others from a divine perspective to even my close relationships. It works in my professional relationships. It works with total strangers. It works with anyone I have trouble feeling loving toward. I don’t always come away with a “warm fuzzy” feeling, but at least I see them as human.

What Would This Do For You?

What would it mean for you, and for your relationships, to be able to see others as God sees them? How would this impact your marriage? Your relationships with your children? Your understanding of the person in front of you at the supermarket? What would it spur you to do? I can tell you it has changed my life. Drop a comment below and continue the conversation. Have you tried it? What was the result?

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Work/Life Balance: From 20th Century Norms to Digital Age Challenges


When we start thinking of work/life balance, we can express it as the division of our time and focus between our working activities and the things we do in our personal life. Maintaining a separation between these two worlds is crucial – not just important, but crucial – for our mental health, productivity, and overall satisfaction with life. Achieving a balance between all the demands we face, particularly in the context of increasing work demands and technological advancements, can be a real challenge.

Historical Context: Work/Life Balance Throughout the 20th Century

Throughout the 20th century, work and personal life were more distinct, with a fixed schedule for office hours, and scheduled time for non-office workers (restaurants and businesses that operated outside of the “9-to-5 weekday” schedule). Employees typically didn’t have contact with employers outside of the workday, with few exceptions for emergencies and special circumstances and occasions. Technology was in its infancy for much of the century. Computers were limited to office use until late in the century, and Internet access was rare and expensive. Smartphones and mobile computing devices were objects for the future. The work was kept on paper files in the office, and most office workers left the work there when they went home at the end of the day.

Of course, there were exceptions to this norm. Higher-level executives often brought briefcases filled with reports home to review. Also, industrialists and business magnates like the Vanderbilts, the Gettys, and the Carnegies often blended their work and personal life, due to the nature of their roles and responsibilities. But for the most part, societal norms and expectations during that era were that you worked, then you went home to your family or friends.

Digital Technology and the Blurring of Work/Personal Life Lines

In the closing years of the 20th century, the widespread adoption of personal computers in homes and offices made work more accessible outside traditional office environments. Laptop computers and personal computers at home meant that workers could perform some office duties away from the office –and after normal working hours. The rise of the Internet provided instant connectivity and access to work-related resources from anywhere, and at any time. As email and instant messaging became more commonplace, colleagues and employers could interact with employees regardless of the time of day or distance from the office.

These technological advances, while enabling businesses to operate on a broader scope and scale, also led to increased expectations for availability and responsiveness. Some managers expected immediate answers to emails, even late at night. This has fueled a culture of longer “working hours.” The accessibility beyond the office boundaries has also contributed to that culture. Since everyone has access to this wonderful technology, it has also allowed ambition to contribute to highly competitive work environments, with longer working hours as the norm.

The blurring of the boundary lines between life-at-work and life-not-at-work hit a point that led to an awareness of the imbalance, and an awareness of the need for a better balance between work and “life.” Some of the drivers for this rise in awareness were concerns over employee burnout, stress, and mental health issues, as well as physical health implications. Some organizations went into remediation mode and started initiatives with new policies and practices aimed at addressing these challenges. But has it been enough? Not everyone thinks so; if it had, we wouldn’t have the phenomenon of Quiet Quitting.

Rethinking Work/Life Balance in the Modern Era

Remote work became a pervasive concept during the Covid-19 panic, but it wasn’t the start of it. Working from home, or teleworking, became possible with the advance of Virtual Private Networking technology, enabling the employee to connect to the work environment from outside of the office. Further advances have created opportunities to work not just from home, but from – well, anywhere. I’ve been able to perform my normal work responsibilities from my home, but also from a hotel room,  a lakeside cabin, and my car traveling down the Interstate. Changes in the connectivity options allow for a more fluid and individual approach to balancing work and a personal life. Working from home gave me back my two hours of commute time, and it also provides me the option of dashing to the post office in the middle of the day to pick up a package, and managing laundry tasks during my lunch break. Being able to connect on the road, at a cabin, or at a hotel meant that my family didn’t have to delay travel start or return home early due to my work schedule. It has given us more flexibility in the “life” part of our “work/life balance.”

In thinking about that phrase, though, “work/life balance,” it’s too easy to envision a set of scales, putting work on one side and life on the other, and keeping the levels equal. That doesn’t always happen, and it doesn’t always have to. There will be times when a project at work must have a greater weight on the scale than your personal life, and there are times when conditions at home need a greater weight. We can distribute our effort and attention based on the weighted priorities of our personal and professional needs.

Managers won’t always know what’s going on in your not-work life, so you may need to present not only the situation, but also propose a solution. For example, if there’s a challenge in your home life that is demanding more of your attention and creative brain cycles, you can ask to be assigned to a set of less-challenging tasks at work for the duration of the home crisis. If you’re working on a huge project at work, you may need to explain to your housemates that you are not available to clean up after everyone, and that everyone will need to pitch in more. Both situations can be reevaluated when things change. Because things always change. Creating flexibility in your priority scheduling will make it easier to give your best effort to whatever it is that most needs it at any given time.

Modifying our blend of work efforts and life efforts away from a “balance” concept to a set of weighted priorities can provide a multitude of benefits:

  • Reduce stress and burnout
  • Improve physical health
  • Enhance mental well-being
  • Boost productivity
  • Encourage creativity and problem-solving
  • Strengthen relationships
  • Promote work satisfaction
  • Foster personal growth
  • Increase engagement at work
  • Support long-term career success
  • Improve overall life satisfaction

Future Trends in Work/Life Balance:

Now that the world has seen that remote work can work, I believe we’ll see a continued rise in telework and flexible work arrangements. One of the leading search terms on job boards now is “remote work.” One manager told me that several candidates for a job posting had asked what percentage of the work could be performed remotely. We’ve had a taste of it, and if the work can be done remotely, we’re wanting to do more of it remotely. (Condo at the beach, anyone?) Furthermore, remote work will also integrate more Artificial Intelligence and Virtual and Augmented Reality. We may soon be “gathering” in a virtually created office setting, sitting across a conference table from a colleague who is 2,000 miles away.

We should also expect companies to offer more support and resources to provide for the mental health and well-being of employees in their workplaces. This may include customizable work arrangements that accommodate individual employee needs and lifestyles. The increased flexibility in work schedules and locations can benefit the company as well as the individual, providing customer service or other support over a larger portion of the day without requiring longer hours. Employees will be able to devote better energy to work tasks knowing that they are not sacrificing family responsibilities. When location is less of a barrier, the employee has a broader range of possibilities, and the organization has access to a broader range of job candidates.

There are still challenges, though. You will still be responsible for maintaining boundaries between work life and not-work life in a world that is increasingly connected. You may feel disconnected from colleagues while working remotely. Not everyone is suited to remote work, especially if they need or want more direct input from supervisors. (Not everyone is a self-starter, and that’s fine, as long as everyone recognizes it and can work with that.) Additionally, remote and flexible work relies heavily on technology and connectivity. Knowing when to step away is critical to your other personal interactions and mental health.

What about you?

Take some time to think on your own work/life conditions. What does work/life balance mean to you? It’s different for everyone. Spend some time identifying your own priorities and boundaries, seeking a balance that suits your own lifestyle and needs. Is there something you need to adapt to so that you can embrace any changes that may enhance your work and personal life? This is an ongoing process that requires periodic reevaluation and realignment. What works great today can change when something unexpected pops up at work or in your family. You just find the one that works for you right now, and work it.

Now it’s your turn to share your ideas with me. What do you see as the future of work/life balance? What strategies do you use to maintain yours?

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The Violent Calm of Nature


Grand Canyon of the Yellowstone; this is an original photograph by the author

I spend time “in nature” as often as I can. I haven’t been camping in a long time, but we still hike, fish, hunt, swim, and laze by the river whenever opportunity presents itself. I treasure the serene landscapes, gentle breezes, and the calming sounds of birdsong. Yet, on our recent visit to Yellowstone National Park, we realized that nature is multifaceted. Within its embrace, there lies a dance between tranquility and tumultuousness. It’s a paradoxical relationship, and the relationship has had its difficulties.

The Wolves Return

The early and mid years of the 20th century saw the eradication of wolves from Yellowstone. It took nearly 70 years to truly understand the implications. After a 70-year absence, in the mid-1990s, wolves were reintroduced to the park. This action, initially met with controversy, soon unveiled the profound impact these predators had on the ecosystem. As top predators, their presence controlled populations of large herbivores like elk, allowing the previously-overgrazed lands to rejuvenate. With flourishing vegetation, species like beavers returned, creating habitats for countless other creatures. Trees along the river cooled the water and brought back cold-water-loving fish. This chain reaction provides an example of nature’s interconnectedness and balance, where the wild and violent act of hunting by wolves has led to a cascade of peace and vitality throughout the park.

The Roar of Tranquility

Like the wolves, waterfalls in Yellowstone demonstrate this duality of nature. The mighty Lower Falls of the Yellowstone River plunges a staggering 308 feet, creating a thunderous roar that can be heard from miles away. Its sheer power can erode rock, reshape landscapes, and in its tumult, one might expect a sense of disarray. Yet, for many visitors, sitting beside a waterfall is a meditative experience. The consistent rush of water, while fierce, provides a rhythmic backdrop that calms the restless mind.

The forceful descent of water, like the predatory prowess of the wolf, serves a purpose. Waterfalls aerate water, making it better for certain aquatic species. Their erosion creates habitats and niches for various organisms. The very violence and chaos of their descent sustain life and contribute to the peacefulness of the surrounding environment.

Embracing Nature’s Dual Nature

My visit to Yellowstone taught me that nature is not just about tranquility; it’s about balance. The wild and violent elements are just as crucial as the calm and serene ones. They’re two sides of the same coin. The reintroduction of wolves and the relentless power of waterfalls remind us that for an ecosystem to thrive, for it to offer those peaceful moments we cherish, it must also embrace its wild side.

In our lives too, perhaps there’s a lesson. In accepting and understanding our storms, we pave the way for clarity and calm. It is in the dance between these contrasts that the true beauty of nature – and life – shines brightest.

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The Irony of Escape: Meeting Your Destiny on the Road You Take to Avoid It


In the intricate tapestry of life, a paradox often unfolds: individuals sometimes meet their destiny on the very paths they take to avoid it. This concept, both intriguing and bittersweet, underscores a profound cosmic irony that has fascinated philosophers, storytellers, and theologists for centuries. It suggests a tension between predestination and free will, a cosmic game of chess that leaves humans pondering whether they’re the players or the pawns.

Imagine a protagonist who receives a prophecy, one that foretells a future they desperately wish to avoid. In their vehement efforts to alter the course of their fate, they set actions into motion that inadvertently ensure the prophecy’s fulfillment. This self-defeating flight from destiny is not just the stuff of Greek tragedies or Shakespearean dramas; it reflects real-life scenarios where our frantic efforts to dodge unpleasant outcomes lead us directly into their embrace. Whether through panic, reckless decisions, or sheer ignorance, our maneuvers to evade destiny can sometimes be the catalysts that bring it to fruition.

As we explore this phenomenon, we’re going to be delving into the realms of the psychological, mythical, and spiritual, unpacking the layers that constitute our understanding of destiny and the often futile attempts to escape it. This journey compels us to question the essence of fate itself and confront the uncomfortable realization that in struggling against a preordained future, we may be doing nothing more than proving its inevitability.

To illustrate the essence of meeting one’s destiny on the very path taken to avoid it, we turn to the time-honored story of Oedipus, a tale that so vividly captures the tragic irony of this concept.

In ancient Thebes, King Laius received a prophecy foretelling that his own son would be his downfall, murdering him and marrying his wife, Jocasta. In a desperate attempt to prevent this outcome, Laius abandoned his infant son, Oedipus, on a mountainside. Unbeknownst to Laius, Oedipus survived, rescued by shepherds and raised by the King and Queen of Corinth as their own.

Years later, Oedipus encountered the same prophecy, stating he would kill his father and marry his mother. Horrified and determined to dodge this fate, he fled Corinth, believing his adoptive parents were the ones the prophecy referred to. On his travels, he met and unknowingly killed his biological father, Laius, in a petty altercation at a crossroads. Eventually, he arrived in Thebes and saved the city from the curse of the Sphinx. Grateful and leaderless — with the recent mysterious death of their king — the Thebans appointed Oedipus as their new ruler. He married the widowed queen, Jocasta, fulfilling the prophecy he fought so vehemently to avoid.

Oedipus’s journey is a stark representation of tragic irony. His very actions, motivated by a desire to escape destiny, were the vehicles that carried him into its arms. This narrative, woven into the fabric of Greek tragedy, serves as a poignant reminder: the flights we embark on to evade fate are often the fastest routes to it. In his tale, the cruel twist was not merely the fulfillment of the prophecy, but his unknowing march toward it, despite — or indeed because of — his best efforts to escape.

Origins of the Concept

Historical background: fatalism in ancient cultures

The notion of an inescapable fate has roots stretching back to the world’s earliest civilizations. Ancient cultures often embraced a kind of fatalism, seeing life as preordained by cosmic forces or deities. In ancient Greece, people believed in the Moirai, or Fates, three goddesses who spun, measured, and cut the thread of life, symbolizing the inescapable destiny of humans. Similarly, Norse mythology presented the Norns, beings who shaped destiny, reflecting the belief that certain aspects of life were beyond mortal control.

These cultures reflected a worldview where individuals, bound by fate, found themselves at the mercy of gods or cosmic forces. This fatalistic perspective was integral to societal norms and practices, from royalty to common folk, with people seeking oracles and prophecies to navigate a path that they believed was already scripted.

Philosophical context: free will vs determinism debate

Philosophically, the tension between free will and determinism has been a subject of human contemplation for centuries, questioning whether individuals are genuinely free to create their destinies. This debate is a cornerstone of many theological, ethical, and existential discussions. Determinism suggests a universe of cause and effect, where events are the consequence of prior events, without any real choice involved. On the other hand, free will supports the idea that individuals can influence their futures.

The paradox of meeting one’s destiny while, or even as a result of, trying to avoid it straddles these philosophical concepts, challenging the notion of free will and suggesting a more deterministic universe, at least in specific contexts. It raises profound questions: If we decide our path, can we truly influence outcomes, or are we unknowingly following a larger narrative? And in the very act of choosing, are we merely playing into a story already written?

Literary and Mythological Explorations

Analysis of classic stories with this theme (e.g., Macbeth, Oedipus Rex)

Literature has long been fascinated with the idea of inescapable fate, often exploring the tragic irony that attempts to escape one’s destiny can ensure its fulfillment. Shakespeare’s “Macbeth” stands as a timeless example alongside “Oedipus Rex.” After receiving a prophecy from three witches, Macbeth tries to manipulate his fate, only to plunge himself deeper into ruin. His story, like that of Oedipus, illustrates a fall from grace not despite the protagonist’s efforts, but because of them, showcasing the dire consequences of overstepping human bounds in an attempt to control the uncontrollable.

Modern interpretations in literature and film (e.g., Final Destination, The Matrix)

Contemporary narratives continue to explore this theme, albeit in more diverse contexts. The “Final Destination” film series, for instance, revolves around the idea that one cannot cheat death — the characters, having avoided fatal accidents, find themselves facing increasingly bizarre and fatalistic situations. It’s a modern testament to the idea that destiny will find its course, using suspense and horror to examine the futility of escaping one’s predetermined end.

In “The Matrix,” the protagonist, Neo, grapples with prophecy in a different way. He’s foretold to be “The One,” but his journey to accept this role is rife with resistance and self-doubt. The film cleverly intertwines destiny and free will, acknowledging the path laid out for Neo while emphasizing his active choice in embracing his role.

These stories, whether ancient or modern, reflect our ongoing fascination with and fear of destiny’s inescapable grip, questioning whether our choices matter or if they merely lead us to the ends we were always meant to meet.   

Psychological Perspective

Self-sabotaging behaviors: the psychology of fear and avoidance

From a psychological standpoint, the attempt to flee from our perceived destiny often relates closely to fear-based and self-sabotaging behaviors. These behaviors, generally stemming from deep-seated fears and anxieties, can lead individuals to act in ways that, ironically, bring about the very circumstances they dread. For instance, a person with a fear of abandonment might cling so desperately to their partner that they eventually drive them away. This self-sabotage stems from an emotional feedback loop where fear prompts behavior that seems protective but is actually harmful, trapping the individual in a cycle that reinforces the original fear.

Understanding these patterns requires digging deep into avoidance psychology, which highlights how individuals often make choices based on avoiding discomfort or perceived danger. Unfortunately, these choices can limit growth and potential, sometimes leading directly to the undesirable outcomes they were meant to prevent. Thus, the psychology of fear and avoidance adds a complex layer to our understanding of meeting our destiny through the very acts intended to thwart it.

Self-fulfilling prophecies: how our actions towards avoidance directly contribute to outcome realization

Closely related is the concept of self-fulfilling prophecies, where an individual’s convictions about what will happen in the future influence their actions, which, in turn, cause these predictions to manifest. A classic example is the “placebo effect,” where a patient’s belief in the effectiveness of a sham treatment results in actual health improvements. In the context of destiny, a person might be so convinced of an inevitable outcome that their actions unconsciously work towards making it a reality, regardless of their conscious efforts to avoid it.

This phenomenon highlights the power of belief and perception in shaping reality, blurring the lines between coincidence and destiny. It poses critical questions about the nature of self-determination and the potential for mindset to influence life paths, sometimes in ways that mimic the concept of a predetermined fate.

Real-Life Instances

True stories and anecdotal evidence of people encountering what they tried to avoid

Beyond the realms of literature, mythology, and cinema, there are real-life instances where individuals meet their destiny on the roads they’ve taken to avoid it. These range from historical figures who, in seeking to avoid or secure legacies, set in motion the events that defined them, to everyday anecdotes of missed flights leading to fateful meetings, or off-the-cuff decisions that shape significant life events.

For example, consider entrepreneurs who avoid risks to prevent business failure, but whose caution prevents the growth necessary for success, ultimately leading to the downfall of their enterprises. Or individuals who, fearing heartbreak, avoid relationships, only to grapple with loneliness—an emotional state they sought to evade.

Discussion on how awareness of such patterns impacts human behavior and decision-making

Recognizing these patterns—the ironic twists of fate where our actions bring us face to face with what we sought to avoid—can be transformative. This awareness can prompt individuals to confront their fears, reassess their decision-making strategies, and embrace more risk-tolerant behaviors. It encourages a reflective mindset, urging individuals to consider how their reactions to perceived destinies might be guiding their paths, consciously or otherwise.

Furthermore, understanding these ironies can inspire a more philosophical view of life’s unpredictability, highlighting the importance of adaptability, the acceptance of uncertainty, and the recognition of our limited control over external events. It serves as a reminder that while we may plot our courses, the journey often has unexpected turns, and the narrative of our lives is, to an extent, an unwritten script filled with surprise and paradox.

Implications and Reflections

Learning from the Paradox

1. Embracing the unknown: understanding that some things are beyond our control

The paradox of meeting our destiny in the very attempt to avoid it underscores a profound truth: there are elements of existence beyond our control. This realization invites a certain surrender, a willingness to embrace life’s unpredictability. It doesn’t imply passivity but rather encourages an active engagement with life, tempered by an acceptance that our actions have limits. In understanding that not every aspect of life can be controlled, individuals can find a sense of relief, a freedom from the burden of trying to dictate every outcome.

2. Vigilance in decision-making: being aware of how attempts to avoid outcomes can influence their actualization

This paradox also serves as a caution, reminding us to approach our choices with mindfulness. It’s essential to recognize how fear-driven decisions often contribute to self-fulfilling prophecies. Being aware of our motivations, and critically assessing whether our actions align with our desired outcomes, can prevent us from falling into patterns where we subconsciously actualize what we intend to avoid. This vigilance in decision-making becomes a tool through which we can navigate the intricacies of fate and exert a sense of agency over our destinies.

B. Personal Philosophical Insight: Foreordination vs. Predestination

1. Clarifying the concept of predestination and its implications of fatalism and lack of control

Predestination, often rooted in theological doctrine, suggests that all events have been willed by God or a higher power, and that individuals have no real control over their destinies. This concept can lead to a sense of fatalism, the belief that all efforts are futile in the face of an unchangeable outcome, potentially leading to resignation or despair.

2. Introducing foreordination: the belief in divinely set opportunities rather than enforced destinies

In contrast, foreordination proposes a more flexible framework. It maintains that while a divine plan might set certain events and opportunities in motion, individuals still possess free will. God, or the higher power, doesn’t enforce destiny but provides paths that we might follow based on our choices. This view supports the idea that our lives are composed of a series of divinely placed opportunities, but it’s ultimately up to us to navigate through them. Such a perspective is less about a predetermined ‘end’ and more about how we engage with the opportunities presented, allowing for autonomy and personal growth.

Reflecting on personal experiences or observations might involve recounting moments when a seemingly insignificant decision opened up a path that felt ‘meant to be,’ or when a particular direction in life seemed consistently encouraged through opportunities and synchronicities, despite one’s initial resistance or alternate plans.

3. Contrasting predestination and foreordination

The role of free will and personal choice in shaping our lives is a defining distinction between predestination and foreordination. While the former implies a fixed destiny, the latter allows for the idea that our choices significantly influence our life paths. These decisions, made within the framework of divinely presented opportunities, shape our narratives and our selves.

Foreordination posits a relationship with the divine that is not coercive but collaborative. We’re not passive recipients of a predetermined script but active participants in a divinely orchestrated play. The script offers the scene, but we bring it to life through our actions, decisions, and interpretations.

It’s crucial to recognize that foreordination may feel like predestination because certain outcomes seem ‘fated.’ However, the crucial difference lies in the autonomy retained by individuals. We’re not on rails heading to an inescapable future but on a road network, with the freedom to choose our turns — even if some signs are divinely illuminated.

Broader Impacts on Society and Culture

This nuanced understanding of destiny has profound implications on broader societal and cultural norms. It affects how we perceive responsibility and accountability, how we make ethical decisions, and how we interpret our roles within our communities. With foreordination, individuals are neither wholly bound by fate nor left adrift in meaningless randomness. This balance can offer a profound sense of purpose and guidance, mitigating feelings of existential dread and promoting a proactive engagement with life.

Moreover, this perspective can provide comfort and resilience. Recognizing that challenges and opportunities may be part of a larger narrative encourages individuals to face difficulties with hope and purpose, knowing that their choices matter and can lead to growth and fulfillment. It’s a worldview that combines the humility of acknowledging higher guidance with the courage of taking ownership of one’s decisions — a partnership between the mortal and the divine in the dance of destiny.

Navigating the intricate paths of fate and free will, we find ourselves at a crossroads of understanding. The journey through life is neither randomly woven nor strictly preordained but is a tapestry where various threads of destiny, choice, and divine guidance interlace. This realization does not diminish our role but empowers us, highlighting that our decisions are instrumental in shaping the grand narrative of our existence.

The stories we’ve explored, the psychological mechanisms we’ve uncovered, and the philosophical insights we’ve delved into, all point toward a profound symbiosis: destiny invites us to dance, but we choose the steps. It presents us with a rhythm and melody, but we bring our own style and passion to the floor. It’s within this dance that we find our truest expression, as we partner with fate, not as a force that confines us but as one that helps us to unlock our fullest potential.

So, what does this mean for each of us as we step back into the flow of our daily lives? It calls for a courageous embrace of the unknown, armed with the knowledge that our choices are meaningful brushstrokes on the canvas of our lives. It demands mindfulness, a reflective approach to our actions and their ripples through the fabric of our destiny. And perhaps most importantly, it asks for trust — trust in the notion that there is a harmonious force that guides us, not by imposing a narrative but by offering opportunities that resonate with our soul’s deeper purpose.

Therefore, let’s approach life with open hearts and alert minds, ready to seize the divinely presented opportunities that align with our true selves. Let’s be architects of our destinies within the framework of the celestial blueprint, co-creators with the universe in this extraordinary venture of existence. Each decision, each brave step into the unknown, is our signature on this grand, shared artwork of human experience. So, step forward with confidence and contribute your own unique imprint.

Have you felt the guiding hand of foreordination in your life? Encountered a twist of fate in your attempt to dodge destiny? How do your stories echo or challenge the ideas presented here? We invite you to share your reflections in the comments below. Join the conversation—your unique journey enriches the broader understanding and may even provide comfort, resonance, or guidance to someone walking a similar path. Whether you’ve witnessed these themes in literature, film, or the quiet moments of your personal narrative, your contribution is a cherished part of this communal quest for understanding.

Dive into the dialogue, and let’s continue this fascinating journey together!

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Crossing Time and Space: How Family Traditions and Stories Build Resilience in Young Adults


college girl opening package from home; generated by Midjourney using a prompt from the author

Meet Emily, a college sophomore who can’t make it home for Christmas. While she’s thriving academically and socially, this holiday season leaves her feeling homesick. But a care package from her family becomes more than just a box of goodies—it’s a lifeline to her traditions and stories, helping her cross the borders of time and space. 

Emily’s phone buzzes with a notification. It’s a message from the front desk—she has a package waiting for her. As she slices through the tape with a pair of borrowed scissors, a whiff of cinnamon fills the air, transporting her straight back to her family’s kitchen. Her hands tremble with excitement as she unwraps a carefully baked batch of her grandma’s famous Christmas cookies, a collection of her favorite Christmas tree ornaments, and a handwritten letter from her mom.

The tactile experience is overwhelming. The crinkle of tissue paper, the aroma of baked goods, and the glint of ornaments against the dorm room lighting—it’s a sensory capsule of home. Each item in the box is imbued with meaning, from the cookies that follow a recipe passed down through generations to the ornaments that have adorned her family’s Christmas tree since she was a child.

As Emily hangs the heirloom ornaments on her mini dorm-room Christmas tree, her mind wanders back to the holiday get-togethers of her past. She hears the laughter of her cousins echoing in her ears, remembers the warmth of her grandpa’s bear hugs, and can almost taste her aunt’s legendary pumpkin pie.

These gatherings were more than just holiday parties; they were storytelling sessions. Whether it was her dad recounting his college escapades or her grandma sharing tales of their ancestors, stories flowed as freely as eggnog. As a kid, Emily loved hearing these narratives, never realizing how crucial they were in shaping her identity and resilience. These stories were her first history lessons, her initial glimpses into the complexities of love and life, and above all, they were her guide to who she was in the grand scheme of her large, sprawling family.

Turns out, Emily’s fondness for family stories is more than just sentimental; it’s actually supported by research. A study conducted by psychologists has shown that children who know stories about their family tend to be more resilient, especially when facing challenges like spending holidays away from loved ones. Knowing the struggles and triumphs of their ancestors provides them with a broader sense of self and helps them navigate their own challenges with greater ease.

This isn’t just anecdotal evidence; it’s science saying that our family narratives have a concrete impact on our emotional well-being. For Emily, these stories aren’t just a way to reminisce—they’re a reservoir of strength she taps into when the going gets tough.

As Emily reads the handwritten letter from her mom, she’s reminded of the origins of some of these beloved family traditions. The Christmas cookies she’s now munching on aren’t just a delicious treat; they’re a recipe that dates back to her great-great-grandmother who immigrated from Eastern Europe. The ornaments hanging on her mini tree were handcrafted. Some by her grandfather, a skilled woodworker who found solace in his craft during tough times. Others were items she made with her grandparents when she visited them, and still others came from crafting classes in school, church, and girls’ groups. Each held a story within it.

Knowing the history of these traditions adds a layer of depth that transforms them from mere rituals to treasured family heirlooms. They become symbols of perseverance, love, and unity, and it’s this significance that makes them invaluable to Emily, particularly when she’s miles away from home.

As Emily looks through the contents of her care package, her eyes land on a family photograph taken during last year’s Christmas celebration. The image, though small, packs a powerful punch of love and belonging. “I’ve always felt stronger knowing where I come from,” she says, placing the photo on her desk, right next to her laptop.

Emily’s not alone. Many young adults, especially those away from home for extended periods, find immense comfort and strength in their family histories. Military families, expatriates, and even professionals on long-term assignments report that keeping family traditions alive acts as an emotional anchor.

These aren’t just quaint rituals; they’re life strategies imbued with generations of wisdom. By appreciating the stories that shaped her family, Emily doesn’t just gain historical insight; she equips herself with emotional tools to navigate life’s challenges—just like countless others who draw strength from family connections and age-old wisdom.

For Emily and so many like her, family stories and traditions serve as a tangible link to their roots, a touchstone for their identities. They are not just relics of the past, but living legacies that offer comfort, instill values, and provide a reservoir of resilience—especially when facing the solitude of holidays spent away from family.

So, the next time you find yourself yearning for the comfort of home, remember that the power of family is never bound by time or distance. A simple care package, an heirloom ornament, or even an old family photo can serve as your own personal time machine, crossing borders and generations to bring you back to what matters most—your roots, your family, your sense of self.

I’d love to hear your stories and experiences. How have your family traditions and narratives impacted your life? Do you also find strength in knowing your family’s history, particularly when you’re far from home? Share your thoughts in the comments below and let’s keep this vital conversation going.

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Navigating Quiet Firing: Strategies for Employees


puzzle pieces with workers standing around them contemplating career moves

A few weeks ago, I wrote about “Quiet Quitting,” a situation in which an employee feels that the best option is to pull back on work availability. However, in the dynamic realm of the workplace, interactions are nuanced, and not all tactics are overt. Enter “quiet firing,” a subtle yet impactful strategy that affects employees in ways beyond the surface. It’s a situation where an individual finds themselves gradually shut out from certain team activities or discussions. This deliberate exclusion might involve not being invited to social gatherings, omitting their input, or sidelining their feedback. While the term “firing” suggests termination, quiet firing takes a different route – one of psychological maneuvering aimed at prompting the employee to take their own exit. In this article, we delve into the world of quiet firing, exploring why some managers resort to it and, more importantly, how employees can navigate this tricky territory to ensure their professional growth and well-being.

Understanding Quiet Firing

Quiet firing operates in the realm of subtlety, where exclusion speaks louder than words. Picture scenarios where an employee suddenly finds themselves left out of after-hours gatherings or discussions that used to include them. It’s not a coincidence but a calculated move, often driven by specific motives on the part of managers.

The motivations behind quiet firing can vary. In some cases, it might be an attempt to encourage the employee to resign, alleviating the need for more direct action. In others, it could be a strategic maneuver to prompt the employee to seek reassignment to a different team, achieving a desired outcome without overt confrontation.

While quiet firing doesn’t lead to immediate termination, its effects can be just as damaging. The sense of isolation and lack of involvement can erode an employee’s confidence and job satisfaction. Understanding the dynamics behind this tactic is crucial to developing strategies that empower employees to respond effectively.

Now that we have some understanding of it, let’s explore ways employees can navigate the challenges posed by quiet firing, ensuring they retain control over their careers and well-being.

Dealing with Quiet Firing

When faced with the subtle exclusion of quiet firing, You have several strategies at your disposal to regain agency and maintain your professional trajectory.

1. Confrontation with Diplomacy: Addressing the situation directly but tactfully can yield positive results. Initiate a conversation with your manager or team lead to express your observations and concerns. Frame the discussion in a constructive manner, seeking clarification and opening the door for potential resolution.

2. Seeking Advice from a Disinterested Third Party: Gaining an outside perspective can provide valuable insights. Reach out to mentors, colleagues outside your team, or even HR professionals to discuss your experiences. Their impartial viewpoint can help you better understand the situation and guide your next steps.

3. Exploring Other Avenues: Consider team transfer as a potential solution. Evaluating available opportunities within the organization can lead to a more inclusive and supportive environment. Additionally, document instances of exclusion and actively seek feedback on your performance to showcase your engagement and dedication.

Quiet firing may create challenges, but it also offers opportunities for growth and resilience. By adopting proactive strategies, employees can navigate this delicate situation with their careers and well-being intact.

Empowering Your Path

In the intricate tapestry of the modern workplace, the phenomenon of quiet firing is a reminder that not all challenges are loud and overt. Navigating this nuanced landscape requires a blend of awareness, assertiveness, and strategic action.

Remember, you hold the reins of your professional journey. By addressing quiet firing with diplomacy, seeking guidance from trusted sources, and exploring alternative paths, you can reclaim your sense of belonging and influence.

In the face of quiet firing, you are not powerless. Rather, you’re equipped with a toolkit of strategies to forge your own way, fostering growth and resilience as you navigate the diverse terrains of your career. Your ability to adapt and thrive in the face of subtle challenges is a testament to your professional acumen and determination.

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