When someone says the word “modesty,” what’s the first thing that comes to mind? Most often, we think of clothing that covers a lot of the body, and we usually think of it as applied to females. We think of knee-length shorts, calf-length skirts, turtleneck tops, loose, flowing dresses. Unfortunately, we usually think of “ugly clothes.”
Today, I want to challenge that perception and introduce a way of embracing modesty as a lifestyle while maintaining a sense of self-expression. I’ll talk about the purposes of modesty and all the ways we can practice modesty without wearing tents from top to bottom.
The Misconceptions of Modesty
Historically, the term “modesty” has been interpreted and enforced as a means of covering the body. If covering your body is something that you want to do, that’s fine. The reason it’s find is that you are expressing yourself. However, if someone is telling you to cover all of your body because it’s “the right thing to do,” they’re wrong. Just my opinion, but I can back it up.
There’s a darker side of using modesty in that way, and that’s what we call “body shaming.” Telling girls that their bodies are something that nobody should see is extremely harmful, and there’s no Biblical justification for it. Our bodies are created in the image of God, so there’s nothing shameful about them. However, God did give us our bodies to be used within His guidelines for them. We are to take care of them, we have the ability to use them to bring forth new life, and we are permitted to use them to express affection and love to our legal spouse. Those are good and beautiful things about our bodies, and there’s nothing shameful about them.
Furthermore, modesty isn’t just about the clothes we wear. It’s also about the things we say and how we say them, the way we act, the whole way we present ourselves. Immodesty can be displayed not only in clothes that reveal a lot of cleavage or leg, but also an extremely showy hat, watch, or pair of shoes. It can be demonstrated in loud laughter, boastfulness, or motions that are orchestrated to attract attention. It could also show itself in the purchase of houses, cars, and jewelry. Immodesty is anything in our lives whose purpose it is to draw attention to itself and away from what really matters. When someone isn’t able to see past the things to see you, it may be due to immodesty.
Modesty as Self-Expression
Rather than modesty dampening our self-expression, we can express our individuality and authenticity through modesty. Bold fashion choices can be both individual and modest, if they allow your true self to be known. You are a unique and valuable individual, and the world needs to know you. You can present yourself to the world in a way that aligns with who you really are, without having to dress in a way that draws attention to only one aspect of you. I can almost guarantee that whatever clothing you wear, the clothing is not going to conceal or reveal what’s best about you. What’s best about you is in your divinity as a human being.
Your divinity as a human being can look different for everyone, but it does exist for everyone. As a result, how you present yourself authentically will look different for everyone. And that’s a beautiful thing.
The Role of Appearance in Communication
The reality, though, is that how we look and what we do are methods of communication, whether we want them to be or not. By “how we look,” I don’t mean whether someone is physically attractive or not, but more whether we groom ourselves and present ourselves clean and neat, whether our clothes are appropriate to the occasion more than whether they’re expensive or revealing, whether we allow the attention to be on the purpose of the gathering rather than on how we look or what we do. Making a loud entrance to a room so as to garner everyone’s notice is every bit as immodest as a low-cut dress.
When you are delivering a message, you will communicate that message through many channels, but you can control how much emphasis those channels carry. If you want people to pay attention to your message, you can make it easy by not creating an appearance that makes itself the matter of consequence. You can still dress attractively without distracting from who you really are or the message you want to convey.
Redefining Modesty for Today
A truer and more comprehensive definition of modesty must include self-awareness, respect for yourself and others, and what you’re trying to convey in the choices you make. Thinking about modesty in this way will empower you to make personal choices about your appearance and behavior without the pressure of conforming to outdated standards. If the concept of modesty is a part of your Christian identity, you can consider that your respect for yourself as a child of God and your love for the Savior help you realize that you want the attention to be on the Savior and who you are as a child of God, rather than the physical aspects of the body and how you use it in your daily life.
Practical Tips for Embracing Modesty as Self-Expression
Who are you? What is the most important part of you? What do you want others to know about you? Consider how you dress and act today. Are others able to know you and to hear the important things you have to say? Are they able to take their attention away from you to something more important? You can be expressive of new and exciting things and still be respectful of yourself and others, of the occasions you frequent, and of your Heavenly Father and His Son. Your concepts of how to do this will, of necessity, change throughout your life, because you will change, your circumstances will change, your interests will change, and the image you want to present to the world will change.
As important as it is that we respect ourselves and behave with modesty, it’s also important to recognize that not everyone is at the same place on the road of emotional maturity. Treating others with respect is important, regardless of whether or not they embrace the same understanding of modesty that you do. I think it’s also important to try and discern who someone is beneath an immodest appearance. You may discover a true gem hiding there.
Remember, modesty can be an empowering choice, allowing your true self to be known and recognized. I’d like to hear from you what experiences you’ve had with defining modesty for yourself.